Tuesday, September 18, 2012
They're Coming to Take Me Away.. AHA!!
Written Sept 18, 2012
I am not fit to be around other humans beings. Before I got back to the hotel after work today, I went by my still empty apartment to meet the internet/cable guy so he could get everything turned on. Before he left, he told me, "It work tomorrow. Meet me here tomorrow same time" . Okay.. He gets in his car. I walk out of the building and some other American teachers ask me what he said. I told them, and they rolled their eyes and laughingly said, but I didn't think it was funny at all, "Don't believe him. You won't see him for a week". They gave me a phone number and told me to call it TONIGHT and let the cable/internet provider know that the guy did not finish the work and how he promised to be back tomorrow.
Then the dentist's office phoned (I so chipped one of my bottom teeth last week, while flossing, for God's sake) and a lady who could not speak very good English (after all I am not in America or Kansas a.k.a Middle Georgia anymore) and informed me that my appointment was "cancel" this Friday. No reason given- just "cancel", and that I needed to make "other" appointment with "other" dentist in same office. I tried to explain to her that my Blue Cross insurance had made the appointment and that the dentist I had the appointment with was the only one my Blue Cross insurance covered. I did not use the words "y'all" or "reckon" or the phrase "fixin' to" at all. I promise. She told me, "You no understand. Make appointment with other dentist here". I again explained the situation sssslllooowwwlllyyy and with no trace of a Southern accent, and she again insisted I make an appointment with another dentist in the office. Again, I explained even more SSSSSLLLLLOOOOOWWWWWLLLLLYYYYY that Blue Cross would NOT cover to pay another dentist, and she got all quiet and said, "Insurance no cover?" BINGO! We have a winner! Then she got all quiet on me. I thought she had hung up. I said, "Hello?" and she abruptly and briskly commanded, "Call next week and make other appointment".
Fine, my tooth is still chipped and I am scared to bite into anything harder than yogurt for fear of shearing my poor little tooth the rest of the way off. However, every cloud has a silver, (or somewhat sparkly, if slightly tarnished), lining and the happy news is that I have stopped chewing mindlessly on my cuticles; a habit that drove Dear Husband insane. I might have to go get a manicure now that I don't have to be embarrassed about my poor tattered cuticles. Sort of like cleaning the house before the maid comes over, but I've never had a maid, so I don't know how that feels.
After the visit with the cable/internet guy and the pleasant chat with the dentist's receptionist, I headed to the hotel. On the drive back, while pushing my little Go Cart rental like a demon possessed through rush hour traffic, blasting AC/DC the whole way and screaming/singing at the top of my lungs, "In the beginning, back in 1965. Man didn't know about rock and roll show and all that jive..." something just snapped..
Everyone in the next two lanes tried to figure out what in the hell was up with the middle aged (I am not old yet), obviously bottle blonde lady in the pretend Chevy, who was head banging, and taking corners like her ass was on fire. I merely smiled and pretended I was Bon Scott (before he died in his own vomit in a car. I don't think he drove too much after died..), cruised on in my own little AC/DC world, parked the car in the hotel parking lot, cocooned myself in my little room, and nuked a can of soup in the microwave (I took it out of the can first... the soup, not the microwave. ). I found the soup at Abela market yesterday (Heinz Winter Garden.. yummy) and I highly recommend it to all new teachers going through vegetable withdrawal.
After I ate, I sat down to check Face book and saw where one of the other teachers had posted that the rest of the new teachers needed to check our ADEC emails because some of us have to go back and have our medical checks done again (We had to have medical checks when we first arrived in Abu Dhabi to make sure we don't have TB or Bubonic Plague or something like that) .
I think I might be one of those people who might have failed the medical test thing. I probably have an email waiting for me right now, but I can't get into my ADEC email. It probably all started when the nurse at the medical check asked me if I were pregnant and I looked at her in horror, raised one menopausal eyebrow as best I could (never could pull off that Spock thing, but always wanted to), and said, "I hope to hell not". In the UAE. In a Muslim country. While they had my passport. Good thinking, idiot self.
Anyway, I have been telling everyone for years now that I have some rare, incurable disease, other than "Arthur", but no one will listen to me and I'll bet they all end up feeling really stupid when I have to have my medical check repeated because it turns out I have the rarest disease in the world and they all get jealous because the AMA writes a super long, in depth article about me and I (Female, Aged 50, case number 46733920885372) become famous. And everyone will be BEGGING for my autograph and I will have to hire huge seven foot tall security men to protect me from all of the salivating paparazzi.
See why I didn't go out again after I got back to the hotel room this afternoon? I cannot be trusted around other human beings, at least not within the next twelve hours. The voices in my head won't shut the hell up and now I have a Bon Scott complex and am probably dying from a rare incurable deadly toe fungus or hair cancer. And my tooth is still chipped.
Posted by Liti