How I Deal with Life.....

How I Deal with Life.....

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Short Story Fiction: A Little Piece of Paradise

     If bad language bothers you, please just pass this one by..  I couldn't help it that Verline has a filthy mouth. :) TCA

Like straight out of a movie.  I couldn’t believe it. I sat there in that old Toytota in the parking lot of the Stop &  Go with that gray scratch-off shit all over my fingernail. I checked the ticket five times before it sank in.  Glory be to God, $150,000.00. I went right home to tell Vern; he’s my old man.
     I ran in the back door of the house waving that ticket like a cheerleader waving a pom pom. I always did want to be a cheerleader, but I was too fat and had buck teeth. And I couldn’t do the splits to save my life.  Anyway I ran in the back door, letting that wood door bang against the frame and I screamed, “Vern!” and I like to have scared that poor man out of twenty years of his life. He was almost asleep in the recliner and he came out of that chair so fast he knocked over his Co-Cola and spilled Lay’s BBQ chips all over the Laz-y-Boy and the wall-to-wall carpet.
            “I won! I won!”, I yelled.
            “What the hell is wrong with you? Dammit, woman! I mean, damn.. look here, you made me spill the Lay’s….” He started picking up chips and shoving the crumbs into his mouth.
            I kept waving that ticket around. I was jumping up and down. My boobies almost knocked me in the face.  I thought, “Damn, now I can get a boob job”. That made me real happy.
      Vern finished licking chip crumbs from his fingers and in one swift move grabbed the ticket out of my hand. The son-of-a-bitch. I tackled him, bit him on the hand, and he dropped the ticket faster than a dog lets loose of a porcupine. I leaped on top of the ticket, scooped it up quick and shoved it in my panties.  I licked my lips. Tasted like salty chips.
            I eyed Vern and said in my meanest voice, “That’s my ticket, Vern. I swear to God I’ll kill you with my daddy’s .38 you try that shit again”. Vern sat up then got to his feet real quick cause he knows my daddy taught me to shoot that gun and Vern don’t know where I keep that gun. 
     All of a sudden Vern got all sweet, “Baby, I didn’t mean nothing. I was just trying to see. How much? A hundred dollars?”. He had a look of hope in his green eyes.
            I snorted, “A hundred? Go higher”.
            Vern’s eyes widened, “More? Five hundred, You won five hundred? That’ll get my truck outta hock”.
            “Five hundred?”, I laughed.  “That’s chicken feed. And hell no, I ain’t using none of this here money to get that piece of shit truck back. I’m gonna go travel to somewhere exotic. I’m going to Panama City and stay for two whole weeks. I’m gonna go to Wal-Mart and buy me a whole new wardrobe. I’m gonna buy me a case of Boone’s Farm and drink it all by myself in one of them fancy little glasses with the stem”.
            Vern said, “Now don’t go getting all crazy on me, Verline.”
            I sat down on the genuine pleather couch, “I ain’t getting all crazy, Vern, but I worked hard all my life at the papermill and ….”
            Vern interrupted,” I know you have, but don’t you think….”
     I stood up and screamed, “Do not interrupt me again or I swear to God, so help me,. Vern, I'll hurt you. I am so damned tired of you always interrupting me. For years and years I ain’t finished one damned sentence. I’m gonna finish talking now and you’re gonna just sit right there and listen!”
            Vern sat back down on the Laz-Y-Boy and cocked his head at me like I done got on the crazy train.
            “And Vern, don’t cock your head at me like that”, I warned.
            “Okay, damn, baby, what the hell has got into you?”
            I sat back down, making sure I could feel the ticket scratch against my groin.  “One hundred and fifty thousand dollars is what has got into me, Vern”. I sat back and watched his face.
            He sputtered, “One hundred and.. what? One hundred…?”
            “Say it, Vern. One hundred and fifty thousand dollars. And it’s all mine, so don’t go getting no bright ideas. You ain’t gonna spend it all down at the Boom and Holler. You ain’t gonna buy no fishing shit. You ain’t gonna buy that whore, Joan, no roses or cigarettes just so you can get a little more of her pootang”.
            Vern went white and leaned back hard in the Laz-y-Boy.
      I smiled. I suddenly felt smug and very strong. “Thought I didn’t know about  that, didn’t you? Hell, Vern, I know about everything. I just been keeping your sorry ass around because you get that social security check. And don’t go looking at me like that. You thought I let you stay cause you good in bed or a super hunk?”
            I stood up and shook my head. “Sorry to hurt you, Vern, but you’re an asshole and I’m leaving. You can keep the Laz-Y-Boy, but I’ll be sending a truck over to get the Maytag”.
            I walked into the bedroom, threw all my clothes into four pillow cases, grabbed my birth control pills, tossed everything in the back of the Toyota truck and high-tailed it out of there. Vern never got his lazy ass out of that Laz-Y-Boy.

            I drove straight to Atlanta, stopped by the state lottery office, collected my money, paid cash for a brand new Mustang at the Ford dealership, and now me and Beth Ann are on our way to paradise. Panama City, here we come, baby. I’ll get the Maytag later.. 

No comments:

Post a Comment