How I Deal with Life.....

How I Deal with Life.....

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Random, Totally Unrelated Stuff

If heaven is not an enormous fully stocked library, I don’t want to go. Leave my dead ass in the ground.

My dog was put under anesthesia today and had a tooth pulled. I have been laughing at him because he keeps tilting to the right, losing his footing when he tries to walk, and falling down. I feel bad for laughing. Really, I do. Ha! He did it again.

Ever had a craving for a particular food? Today it was taco salad for me. I went to Kroger, bought all the ingredients, and made a gigantic bowl of the stuff. I have eaten two bowls now and I am sick of it. There is an assload of it left over in the fridge and hubby doesn’t like it..

Time to cull the books in the library. Running out of room again. Guess I can always toss the furniture in the library and build more shelves. Or just start piling books in random corners throughout the house.. Or stop buying books.. What in the HELL am I saying??
 I'll throw hubby's books out. Problem solved.. (Don't tell him I said that).

My mom found FOUR snakes in her house last week. They weren’t poisonous, but who gives a shit? THEY WERE SNAKES! Our small town police chief came and got three of the snakes out (one almost seven feet long, one a mere two and half feet, and one a dead foot long snake). Mom spent the night with me that night (said she was not sleeping in “that” house) and called an exterminator to come out the next morning. Next day the wildlife exterminator man found another snake curled on top of mom’s clean and folded clothes in the laundry room.  Exterminator man fixed the dryer vent the snakes were coming in through and searched the house thoroughly. He assured my mom the problem was fixed.
Yesterday  my brother planted two rubber snakes in mom’s house as a joke. My dear husband got them out today before Mom came home. I mean, she would have had a heart attack, literally. I tattle-tailed on my brother and now Mom is plotting revenge.
This could get good.

Went to a family reunion for my Mom’s side of the family this past weekend. I go every year because it reminds me that I am really quite normal in comparison.. Frightening, huh?

My dear husband's parrot, Pirate, hates me. He has hated me from the moment I met him almost eight years ago. He will probably live to be about forty to fifty years old. He is twelve years old now. I am fifty-one with a life expectancy of seventy-four years. Do the math. The bird and I are in almost a dead heat to see which outlives the other.

It has rained for five days straight. I would build an ark, but I am no good at "hands on" projects. Maybe I can build a raft. Or buy a blow up one. Or just drown.

I think someone snuck into my house about a week ago and beat the hell out of me with an aluminum bat.  If I find the son-of-a-bitch (I think his name is Arthur)  I'm going to nail his ass with my husband's Micronesian war club. And really, how many women can say that their husbands own a Micronesian war club?

I just read where Nelson Mandela is on life support. Why? He is ninety-four years old. Give the man a break. Let him go already. Damn... If I were him, I'd be SO pissed off.

I think it's strange how so many people think homosexual marriage is going to be the ruination of the so called traditional family. We did away with the traditional family long ago with the advent of quickie no-fault divorces and out of wedlock births. So how come everyone is getting their panties in a wad about families now?  I think we're about thirty years too late for that shit.

Oops.. dog fell over again.


  1. How has this post affected a snake-o-phobe like me? When I wake up to pee during the night, I always fear there is a king cobra in the toilet waiting to fang me in the cooter, and now, thanks to you, I might have to start peeing in the tub. Please and thank you.

    1. guess it was a good thing I didn't post the snake photos, huh?? But, if it will help you feel better, Nancy NONE of the snakes were in the vicinity of any "cooter" so no "Cooter biting" could have happened. Maybe some titty fanging, but not cooter fanging. Rest at ease....

  2. Dear Wife. There are all ready piles of books around the house, on tables, a collection of Bob Woodward’s books in a box on the floor of the library – on my side, and more. Some can be found in the “depot” and some on the front porch. Occasionally I’ll find a lost book on the backyard swing. But not to worry. When you move to Nashville, GA next month, there is plenty of room in the trailer for you to take yours. Then my books will be able to return to their original shelves where they originally were until the “immigration” began. Love, Husband.

    PS - Pirate liked you in the beginning, until you scared him.