I'm thinking about starting my own business creating and
selling Tallcart cards.. (Hallmark.. get it? And I’m short, so there is some kind of literary thingie going on here).
Anyway, picture this:
Nice glossy card. The front shows two people standing on a
beach at sunset holding hands.. They are facing away from the camera.
Written across the top are the words:
“Thank you, my love..”
INSIDE
“For not quoting love poetry
and uttering meaningless bullshit in my ear all the time like all those guys
did when I was young and were just trying to get into my pants.....”
Another:
Front of card: picture of a hamburger, meat juices oozing,
crisp tomato peeking out from between two sesame seed buns, a sliver of ketchup
visible on the rim of the top bun...
INSIDE:
“Keep eating.. it's not like you can get any fatter.”
Okay, okay, so that one needs a helluva lot of work.. not to mention being like all politically incorrect and all.
Two red hearts intertwined on the foreground, In the background
a cascade of gold embossed tinier hearts. Across the top of the card is written:
“I love you
because....”
Inside:
“You know when to shut
the hell up and go away”.
Good, huh?
Another:
Background of a serene mountaintop sprinkled with a light dusting
of snow.. in the foreground dapple frost covered pine branches. Two little
bunnies huddle underneath the boughs almost embracing. Across the top are the
words:
“I am so touched....”
INSIDE:
“But you’re more touched
because my ex now lives with you!”
Another:
A riotous burst of balloons in every color; red, green,
yellow, blue..
Across the top:
“It’s your birthday!”
INSIDE:
“And no one gives a shit.."
And my personal favorite
(thanks to my grandmother):
A black and white photograph of a vintage car kicking up
road dust as it heads away into the sunset (Always a sunset.. What is the bias against
sunrises here?? Oh yeah, they happen
too damn early..)
INSIDE:
“You can’t help that
you’re ugly, but you could’ve stayed home”
I'm going to be rich.
No comments:
Post a Comment