Write my own obituary? Sure, I'm bored enough....

Teri Coley Adams died yesterday at her home in Cochran watching South Park. Her last words were, “Goddamit, Cartman” before the ceiling fan loosened itself from the ceiling joists and came crashing down on her head. Death was instantaneous.

            Teri was born in Portland, Oregon, and she never forgave her parents for this. She wanted to be born in Texas. She grew up house hopping from state to state and country to country during The Cold War, thanks to her father’s military career. Her Military Brat status left deep scars on her psyche that led to a life of constant, almost scientific, observation of the world around her that warped her to such a degree that later in life she became a high school English teacher.  She is remembered as “that crazy lady” by her students for teaching assignments that included deconstruction of scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. She also taught her students to burp talk the entire first two stanzas of The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe.

            Teri’s husband, Jim has no idea what to do with her book collection of over 50,000 volumes. Ten years ago, Teri commandeered Jim’s beloved Model Train room, an act that almost led to the dissolution of the marriage, to house her ever increasing collection of books. The family fully expects to find several missing neighborhood pets (and maybe children) under the Southern Writers book pile, most notably the O’Connor stack.

            Survivors include husband Jim Adams, who will finally be able to sleep on more than three inches of bed space; children Adam, Lara and Aaron who are so thankful that death was swift and kind to their beloved mother (none of them wanted to have to chose her nursing home- and by the way, Teri left a note that stated " Ha, ha! I spent it all”); her three perfect more-gorgeous-than-your-grandkids grandchildren: Payton, Miley, and Emma; and Pirate, the blue fronted amazon parrot whose life expectancy of over 80 years gives him the last laugh.

            There will be no funeral. Per Teri’s wishes, the remains will be donated to a Body Farm where experiments in environmental changes on dead bodies are carried out. There will, however, be a brief memorial service this Friday at 8 pm at Barnes & Nobles (fiction section) where attendees will be expected to sing all the words to “The Worms Crawl In, The Worms Crawl Out” in Teri’s honor.